#1 The mentor mindset: Lorraine on overcoming and thriving

for those who don’t know Lorraine

Lorraine is a leadership and Mentor

coach and today we’re going to be

talking about her life experience and

getting some tips from her um which I’m

really really excited about on this

podcast so um welcome I’m so happy to

have you here my name is

nasu um from do digital marketing so I’m

really excited to jump into with it with

you today Lor so let’s dive straight in

first of all how are you I’m really well

yeah going really well no it’s great to

be here thank you for having me on as a

guest appreciate

it so welcome where we’re happy to have

you so um we’re going talk a little

about your life experience talk about

some tips and tricks and things that

you’ve learned along your journey so if

you could go back in time and give

yourself give your 20-year-old self some

advice about life and business and

career and just about anything really I

want to keep it nice and open what would

you say what would you say is something

that you would want to give yourself

some advice looking back on your

journey that’s such a great question

especially with the type of work that

I’ve been doing recently I get a lot of

young people coming and asking me things

about their career and life

and I think knowing what I know know

I wouldn’t give myself

advice I would if I got the chance to go

back and chat to my 20year old self and

I’m laughing thinking about who I was as

a person back

then I know the benefit of mentoring and

the type of coaching I do is to not give

people advice is actually to help people

think for themselves and really get to

the core of who we are inside so whether

you’re 20 or 40 or 50 or whatever age

you’re at in life it’s um how much do

you really honor who you are insight I

ask myself that on a daily basis now and

anyone that comes to me as a young

person it’s very much about asking them

what do you want what do you want to do

what what do you want out of your

life and helping them explore the dream

that they maybe had as a kit or that

thing that they’ve put to the back of

their mind because no one supported them

um as a as a young kid and now at 20 or

whatever age they’re at now it’s okay is

that dream possible Could you actually

set a goal for yourself and and and try

to progress for me as a 20-year-old I

had a lot of big ideas and um I’m proud

to say that one of them was moving to

Australia I grew up in Scotland and I

now live here so the

whatever was happening for me back then

um I was able to make that happen and

I’m excited for the people that I get to

me now where they may have that big

dream where family may not be on your

side they may may not want to support

that that big move um or maybe they do

but they just don’t have the the tools

or the skills to help you get there so

the big piece here for me in answering

this question such a great question is

um maybe not be so quick to give advice

like I don’t give people advice I help

them think for themselves and really get

to the core of what it is they want to

do I love that that’s that’s a really

different perspective actually and I

wasn’t expecting that answer I mean I

didn’t know what to expect I think maybe

I reframe because I I love what you said

there and it’s it’s so cool cuz like you

could imagine your 20 I mean I could

imagine my 20-year-old self and trying

to give myself advice be like shut

up you know what I mean like they could

be that that little bit of like you know

I don’t need you know the 20-year old

maybe that’s just me I don’t know maybe

I’m projecting that’s every 20-year-old

but I’m curious like um instead of

giving them advice what would be the

what would be the question you would

want your 20-year-old self to reflect

on CU as a coaching as from a coaching

perspective and a mentor if you think

the advice wouldn’t work and you want

them to nurture and um have what you

said about pursuing their goals and

giving support encouragement what

question would you ask them to reflect

on question would be around what what

lights them up what fares them what they

passionate about like what um I had a

21-year-old that I worked with for a

little while couple of weeks

um and he was at the point of making a

decision as to what he did next just

finished un and he didn’t really know

what he wanted to do and what we got

into through a very brief conversation

was um where he was headed was so far

away from what you love doing um it was

almost like he was doing what other

people expected of him and what other

people thought was good for him and so

often as a young person we can be guided

by people around us who are full of

great advice where they say you know

let’s aim for a job that’s secure and

get you lots of money and you know you

you’ll have that for life however it may

be really far away from that creative

piece that you really want to go after

but no one in your family’s done it

certainly was my background is that the

entrepreneurial skills that I have now

that I recognize now my immediate family

they weren’t pursuing that none of my

parents owned a business or um went

after a business but if I look back my

grandparents did like um you know my

grand was a director in a business and

my grandfather run his own business on

my dad’s side so it’s it’s when you

don’t have those examples around you it

can be tough to have a vision as to to

um what you want to do and have the

confidence to go after it so having

someone around you that can act as a

mentor or a coach who can help you

really grasp that Vision that you might

have in your mind and take that next

step so it’s if you’ve got a dream or

something that you you really get fired

up about what would the first step be

that you want to take um this 21

year-old I was Chan to had a real desire

to be a consultant but you’ve never

spoken to anyone who’ done consultancy

so it was quite far away for him and we

had a very quick conversation and he’s

now pursuing further Ed further

education um to really hone in on those

skills that he would need to be a

consultant and he’s smiling all the time

you know it’s like uh oh wow this is

possible so just been able to ask that

one question about what’s the first step

you would take towards that thing that

really get you excited and um to really

yeah to embrace it and think it’s

possible and have a vision to go after

it that’s the um that’s the kind of

thing I would be

asking I love that I love that you’re

thinking around from what I’m hearing

you say you’re thinking around what

lights you up what what’s your dream

what’s your passion and uh trying to

pull on examples trying to get people

around you as a 20-year-old you probably

don’t have that many mentors potentially

for the for the for the average

20-year-old they probably don’t have

that many people that they’re inspired

by potentially so I guess what you’re

what I’m hearing you say is like well

what lights you up what’s important to

you and how do you find people around

you you can surround yourself with who

believe in you who trust you who can

support you along that journey I love

that it’s amazing thank you for sharing

it’s really great so tell me a little

bit about a

time that you face a

significant failure or challenge like

kind of Shifting forward now and your

can be at any moment and what were some

specific strategies or mindset shifts

and did you use to to overcome it I’m

really

curious um yeah that’s a good question

because as we know you can’t have

success without failure you need the the

learnings when things don’t turn out the

way you want them to and probably the

biggest one for me um would be my

marriage ending it’s not always a great

topic people don’t always embrace it

however it’s definitely one that is up

there for me as my biggest challenge um

and the mainset shifts been someone

who’s very loyal and committed and was

very sure I was on the right track um

the main set shifts was about my kids

people who relied on me so I mean it

doesn’t have to be limited to someone

who’s got kids or who’s um but even just

part of a family or if you’re running a

business your staff there are people who

rely on you and there people who depend

on you I was on my own Journey with that

that challenge and experienced some

mental health challenges that I’d never

thought was going to happen to me I

always believed mental health happened

to other people you know that the and I

suddenly realized that we all have

mental health we all have um a level

where we’re sitting with how we feel and

how we can cope with life what kind of

strategies we have in place to get us

through life and one of my main coping

strategies has always been exercise I’ve

always been into sport I’ve always done

um some kind of individual activity be

it running or swimming and when I was

going through that real tough time um I

had a counselor who had said to me do

you exercise get outside get Outdoors

reconnect yourself with nature and it

was a really healing thing for me to

recognized that it was a natural coping

strategy for me anyway in life and um

been able to

just understand that even though my

motivation was low my energy levels were

low just chucking my Runners on and

getting outside actually helped to just

boost everything about me um from what

was going on in my head through my body

and um we really have that endorphin

rush that helped me to just reset each

day and take on whatever was coming

throughout that day so that that was

definitely one of the the strategies

that I embraced um and the other one

I’ve said already about people depend on

me when I talk about the decision that I

made it was about the kids needed me to

be okay um a lot of the time when I hear

people going through a challenge like

this the decision that they made and

it’s there’s no right or wrong everyone

has their own story um is that they want

to wait until a certain point in time so

when the kids are old enough whe they

can handle the the decision and that

wasn’t working for me because I recogniz

with what was going on with the

environment that was happening at the

time there was a lot of arguments a lot

of U disagreements I felt that

environment wasn’t going to be healthy

and so it was about me getting myself to

a better place and so um the decision to

end things and create that healthier

environment was actually about everyone

else but it was also about me being able

to um that’s worked for us like even

though I’m divorced and um I’ve got

three kids who are

my eldest turns 15 on Saturday we have a

birthday weekend coming up um you know

things are a lot healthier like we um i’

got amicable relationship with their dad

and it it’s been the right choice and so

it’s uh taken a lot of work and a lot of

investment and tuning into those

feelings but whenever you’ve got that

situation that happens that you’re not

expecting that really affects us on an

emotional level it’s important to get in

tune with who we are as a person and

what we need as well as thinking about

everyone else there’s there’s a quote

that we’ll get a lot where um they’ll

tell us this on airplanes uh you’ve

heard this n you know fix your own

oxygen mask first before you help others

and that’s something that’s really uh

been important for me on this journey

that we’ve got to make sure we’re okay

in order to be there for those people

who depend on us the most and for you

was about not waiting Ian there

something interesting you talked about

there is like a lot of people kind of

Kick the Can down the road think well if

I could just get to in this case the

kids are 18 or till the kids have left

or if I could just I guess in a relation

to a business if I can just you know um

if I can just survive a little bit

longer when everything’s really tough

and really painful instead of making

what I like about the way you’ve phrased

it and your experiences go no I I I

can’t you kind of get to that point

where like no I can’t do this because

this is going to create an unhealthy

environment this is is going to be more

detrimental it’s going to be really

difficult now in the next however must

have been a year years thing right for

you I I could only imagine going through

that divorce and having challenging

conversations but you decided to do it

then and there versus procrastinating or

waiting

until at better time you know a more

convenient time

so what what was your thought process

during that like I’m really curious I I

can assume but what what thought process

did you go through there what was what

was what was the driving force behind

that I think um again everyone has their

own Journey with this type of

experience I was surrounded by all

people who had gone through the same

sort of thing and I was starting to

notice no one had made the same decision

there was no consistency

so the thought process was really

bringing it back to what do I need right

now and that was tough it was tough

because I recogniz I can say now I was

the type of person who would externalize

those decisions and make everyone else

responsible for what I should be doing

so I would talk to family i’ talked to

friends and um work colleagues and say

oh what should I do and make my decision

based on that but I think with the the

importance of what I was choosing having

been married for um I’ve been in a

relationship for 17 years and I’ve been

married for

13 and it was five of us involved the um

the devastation of that was overwhelming

for me it was I can’t make this decision

because it’s not just about me I’m going

to destroy five people’s life in the

early stages that’s that’s how I felt

and as I walked through that whole

experience probably over a period of um

3 to 4 months I started to

realize no in order for everyone else

around me to be okay I have to be okay

and I I really didn’t feel okay there

was the way I describe it back then was

was parts of me inside that felt like I

was broken there was if you can imagine

like a I look at it as Like A Clockwork

so like a um the internal CA of a of a

watch um it felt like a few of them had

popped out and I wasn’t work properly in

order for those cogs to be picked up and

put back in and for everything to be

working okay again I recognized it was

me that needed to get fixed I had to

work on me I needed to um do that work

and and do it in a way where my kids

felt safe and they didn’t feel you know

like Mom and Dad were shouting at each

other all the time which is what was

happening and

um not everyone’s in that situation I

want to say that like I’ve come across a

lot of couples who have gone through

something similar and some of them

managed to stay together and work things

out amicably where the decision is

delete and and that’s all right it’s not

a judgment piece here but I just know it

wasn’t going to work for us so I chose

to go through all of that pain straight

up and um again it’s like a A rightly or

wrongly we’ve come out the other side

and um things are a lot better than what

they were you know it’s uh it’s not what

you plan for you know when when you walk

down a and say I do to someone you don’t

think about ending everything um but

yeah after seven years of going through

a lot and and having some tough

conversations and watching my kids grow

through the experience uh yeah I can

definitely say it’s been the best thing

best thing that’s

happened would have taken a lot of

Courage um to go to go through that

whole experience and persistence and um

just the ability to to decide what’s

best I I I really I really really like

that I really resonate with that in

different different areas for sure so

interesting tell me a little bit

about I mean I think books and

knowledge I was an aid reader from a

from a not as young as I would like to

say um but the books have definitely had

an impact on my life um I remember being

a a very young age starting to read um

in my teens I should say late teens uh

so what books or

books book or books is there a specific

book or books have you gifted most to

other people and if if so why and maybe

it’s a maybe it’s a book maybe it’s a

course maybe it’s some piece of

information but what what books have had

influence on you and what have you uh

gifted to other people

most it’s a great question

um I’m a complete book War I’ve been a

reader since I was a young girl so yeah

um thank you for asking this one because

it’s such a beautiful question in terms

of gifting it can be simply sharing a

story from a book or actually giving

someone a book to say herey you go have

a read of this and um I’m not really

sure which one you were looking for but

I can have a crack at the answer if if

that’s cool with you it’s open yeah like

I’m please I’m probably a romantic at

home like one of my favorite books as a

young teenager was um F Scott forger’s

great gasby I just loved the complete

you know creativity and Imagination and

to kind of um fantasy piece Miss Mystery

piece of Gatsby and who he was and the

Fantastic parties he would throw for all

of his guests me do you know this one

have you heard of this

book I I’ve I’ve uh I haven’t read it

have heard of it yeah You’ ever seen the

movie or yeah like um I saw yeah I saw

movie was cool but the book would I’m

sure the book is always more imaginative

and expressive so please curious to more

one of those prescribed text from high

school that I just fell in love with I

think I read it like 10 times over just

um it it ignited something in me around

imagination and creativity I’ve always

been creative I used to write poetry as

a young kid and one of the books now

that I gift is the the one that I’ve

been published in having written a

chapter um in a co-author book which is

was the start of a dream of mine to to

write and and be published and so I’ve

been able to gift that story it’s quite

early in um my journey as an author it

was really fun to do and the kind of

theme of the chapter that I’ve written

is around three selves so the um the

book that I’m published in as part of a

a series

the um series is called stories from the

heart it was put together by a coach

called Lisa Evans um she’s a a speaker

coach she helps people to speak from

stage and the the book I was lucky

enough to be part of was the third in a

series um called Tales of change it came

out just around 2020 just before Co hit

and we had a launch event where I got to

speak from stage but three selves was a

author called Mark Manson who speaks

about this and there’s many others that

we will talk about it and it’s that

concept of who we are at our core and

then who we are when we’re around people

would class as um friends or people that

we would meet on a regular basis and

then there’s the outside layer where

it’s people we might meet in a shop or

for the first time and really thinking

about the types of conversations and

intimacy that we might have at those

three different levels and my stories I

kind of um imaginative take on that

where I have a dream and I’m observing

myself in third person going through

this dream so it’s all about

um those moments in our life where when

we see out loud or feel like we’ve lost

who we are and that was certainly part

of my journey where I didn’t know who I

was um when I was at that point of

deciding to end my marriage I was being

rather passive in decision making and I

lost that fire that passion that we

spoke about in the first

question and it’s definitely a big part

of my journey and what I like to share

with clients now is how to get back to

that core and be really true to who I am

and speak from a place of Truth and

there’s a lot of lip service given to

the terms of being authentic and um

really been able to be honest in how we

communicate and do it in such a way

where we’re also aware of the other

person we seeing what it is we want to

see so it’s not necessarily just being

selfish or speaking openly where we’re

being judgmental or critical of someone

else um being authentic is not that it’s

so much more it’s more about going after

our purpose in life and um really

showing up in a way where we could help

others and serve much like you’re doing

tonight us with um this podcast so it’s

um been able to share experiences share

whether they’re going through a tough

time or um just be heard in a way that

perhaps um no one else in their life is

able to do for them um that’s definitely

been part of my journey and um I’m

excited to see that a lot of that’s been

captured in my own book that I hope to

publish in the not too distant future

where I get to share a lot of what we’ve

talked about in this this recording um

through a snapshot of time where I look

at where I was at Sierra 2018 up until

that period of time around 2020 and

really talk about what was going on for

me and how I felt but the biggest piece

the biggest piece being how did I get

where I am now like and really helping

other people um just get a glimpse of

what that may um look or sound like and

uh see whether I can’t help someone else

that might be feeling a similar

way love it love it I can really feel

the authenticity coming through and I’m

very excited to see that book and read

that book when it’s released so um I

really love the way you you really uh

provided a journey and an Insight all

the way through to how you got to doing

what you’re doing today cuz I I I see

overlaps very much so and where your

Journey’s been and how you’ve even to

the influences you have and I’ve really

gotten to learn a lot about you that I

didn’t know even though I’ve known you

for quite a long time so I’m really

really thankful that I’ve understood you

better and you’ve shared your knowledge

and your story a lot more so thank you

so much for coming on uh I’ve really

enjoyed chatting with you and um yeah

would definitely get that book and

potentially when it’s ready and it’s

ready to launch we can have you back and

we can we can talk about it in a much

more deeper uh setting so I would love

that if you’re if you’re open to doing

that I’d love to thank you yeah that’d

be that’d be an honor thank you very

much thank you so much for coming uh

We’ve uh hit time so let’s catch up in

the near future and thanks once

again